Letter #1: January 25, 2018

Dear Lainey,

I've started to write this letter so many times, and I don't know if I'll even get the nerve to send this to you. I want to, for the record. I know me leaving when I did wasn't the best, especially since our ceremony was going to be next month, but I couldn't go through with it knowing that I wasn't fully happy with who I was. I haven't been good to you, we both know this, and I couldn't just force you to get into a life with me when there was a good chance I was never going to change.

I went home to Barcelona. My mother immediately hit me when she learned of what I did, and she wanted me to let you know that she's very disappointed in me, and she's ashamed to have me as her son. She actually watched me write this part, and she's making me promise that I'm keeping it in. I will. But she's right, of course she is. Just being here a few days has taught me just how ashamed I am about everything. You were trying to show a part of yourself to me that you thought I'd understand, and I just...ran from it. Just as I tried to run from the damn cloak even though it still follows me everywhere.

It hits me regularly on the head too, by the way. I think it misses you.

Truth is, I miss you. But I need to be a better man before we meet again. I hope we do.

You won't ever see this letter. But I have to write. Or try. Somehow, it feels like righting a wrong.

Sincerely,
Silas
Letter #2: March 1, 2018

Lainey,

Something happened.. I've meant to write sooner, but something happened last month, on what would have been our ceremony date.

He came to me, and he wouldn't leave. Stephen, that is. He showed up in February, which I thought was odd that I could remember him being so far from Boston. But once the week was through, he didn't leave. He remained, pesky as always, lecturing me. He's upset about what happened, he misses Jean and I can feel just how much he cares for her. To have all those memories now of all the weeks that I missed, to have the memories of all those moments that Stephen and Jean had, that you and I had, it makes me ache.

I was so foolish. I was foolish and awful, and I wonder if you'll ever forgive me. I hope one day you will, if I ever get to see you again.

We've been training -- when Stephen came back, so did all his powers. So, on top of getting used to the other voice in my head, I've got a full set of magic powers nad a hefty price that comes with using it. He's teaching me to use magic, knowing that it's something we're going to pay for later.

The first day of using things, I ended up throwing up for three hours afterwards. It takes a toll on you, and I've never realized just how much that could be.

I wish you could see all these amazing things that I'm seeing now though. I'm seeing the world in a new light. And I know how awful I was. But together, Stephen and I are going to be better. I am going to be better.

- Silas
Letter #3 March 25, 2018

Lainey,

It hasn't been a good day. With the amount of magic that I'm using, I need to fuel using otherworldly foods, and today is the first day that eating something as simple as a carrot made me violently ill. Stephen said that he hoped that this wouldn't have happened this soon, so we need to pace things better. The cloak has been nicer to me, and has been keeping my hair out of my face as I vomit out all of my guts. Which, is weird to say, that a cloak is helping me. But, here we are.

But all of this is giving me a lot of perspective. Knowing how different, and not so different, that Stephen and I are. To put it plain, both of us are assholes. Or were assholes, until someone showed us we could be something better. Stephen says there are two people that have done that for him: Clea, his ex-wife, and Jean. I can safely say there has been only one person in my life that has showed me I could be something better. You.

I wonder what you're doing now. Have you moved on? Are you out with someone treating you as you should be treated, as a queen? If that someone is out there, then I hope they deserve you, as I wish I did. Or are you just working, enjoying time with family and friends? Are you living a good life? Stephen wants me to ask about Jean, he worries about her. Misses her. He's trying to keep his feelings of loneliness to himself, but I can feel it, as he can feel mine.

I let him take full control now and then, because he deserves to live out his life as I do mine. We're working well together now, you'd be proud of me. I wonder if Jean has come around for you full time, or if it's only a week at a time. I hope that if it's only a week at a time, that she's still giving you notes about everything, telling you everything that you're missing; the good and the bad.

I don't know what is going on in Boston, for some reason any weird news from there is gone now that I'm in other countries. But I hope you are safe, and unharmed.

I'll write again soon. I'm finding this to be a weirdly cathartic experience.

Silas.
Letter #4: April 3, 2018

Lainey,

I've started a business with a friend here, did I tell you that? I'm going back into psychiatry, and we're both equal owners of the practice. I hope that I might be able to do some good here. I have the power now to heal my lost arm, but I find that I don't want to; this metal arm has given me a bit of character, and even Stephen has somehow taken a liking to it. The cloak agrees, but it's weird that the cloak likes anything that I do -- I think that's Stephen's doing.

I've been meditating a lot more as well, it's all I can do to keep the demons at bay. Now that I know everything Stephen has ever been through, it's been rough. There are things that I remember now that I shouldn't. There are times in my life that I'm not sure are mine or his. I suppose it will take time to sort through everything.

Someone suggested to me that I should get a dog. I'm not sure if I could, but I've been considering it. It gets lonely here, even when I'm with friends. I think it's mostly that I miss talking to you.

All of these letters always end with how much I miss you. If there was another way to end them, well I haven't found that yet.

Silas.
Letter #5: June 14, 2018

Lainey,

I'm writing this because I know you'll never see it. But seeing you was...oh god, I didn't realize how much I missed you until I saw you. Why you decided to show up in Spain, I don't know, but it was the best and worst thing that you could have done.

The best because I know you're okay, and Stephen knows that Jean is okay, and that you're as beautiful as ever. You're as vibrant as ever.

The worst because...you're as beautiful as ever, you're as vibrant as ever, hearing your laugh made me ache in ways I didn't know I could ache, and I wanted nothing more than to just travel the world with you and just make a life for us again.

I wanted to tell you I was ready, so badly.I wanted to tell you that I missed you, that I had made a huge mistake, but I know it wasn't the time. Because you wanted to see the world for yourself, and you should. You deserve to find yourself again, just as I deserve to find myself again.

But I wanted to tell you that I love you. That I miss you. And that I will love you until my dying day.

I should stop writing these. I'm giving myself false hope, and that is the worst hope to live on.

Yours,

Silas
Letter #6: August 3, 2018

Lainey,

I hadn't expected it to come out like that. I had every intention on just letting you go, ending the conversation, and I had to go and call you 'Jean'. I deserve everything you said, of course. I know I was an asshole, I know I could have been a better man. But I've changed. More than I can say. Please know I've changed.

I know I haven't said where I am, or where I live now, but I have a feeling you'll find me soon enough. Especially if Jean has her way. I would be lying if I said I wasn't expecting a slap in the face or something else equal to that -- and again, I would deserve it.

I didn't realize just how much Stephen missed Jean. The longing just got so uncontrollable, the desire to see you, to hold you, it's completely overwhelming. I hope that...well, that you'd like to see me one day. I'm not expecting anything, please don't think that I am. I know we are technically still married, but if you wanted that to end, I would respect it. If you wanted anything else from me, I would respect that as well. Or, even if you didn't.

This is going to be my last letter. If I keep writing, I'll keep thinking that I've told you all these things, when I haven't. And knowing that Jean is with you full time as well, it's only a matter of time before all of this is revealed anyway. Jean does have a way of getting me, Stephen, to reveal everything.

I hope to see you soon.

Yours,

Silas.
Letter #7: September 1, 2018

Lainey,

Thank you.

Yours,

Silas.